Dating 101: Why Men Only See Me as Hookups?

Dating 101: Why Men Only See Me as Hookups?

A lot of time, I got girlfriends asking me, why men only see me as hookups?

Well, sometimes it got me thinking too! WHY?

In today’s article, I would like to share about my views on:

How to avoid men seeing you in a sexual way only?

Look, people sometimes try to see you on a superficial level. And it is your responsibility to make people see you more comprehensively. For example, when someone walks into a room and you think they’re just hot, that’s superficial.

1. However, when they reveal vulnerabilities about themselves or when they reveal a close relationship they have with someone in their life, their parent, their friend, their past relationship…

2. Or when they reveal something they are truly passionate about, a certain hobby that they enjoy doing…

3. And when they reveal something they’re geeky about,

4. When they reveal a vision that they have for their future,

5. When they reveal ways that they are old school romantic… etc etc 

All these things create a 3D picture of someone, giving the other party a more comprehensive view of yourself… And the more 3D elements you give someone, the harder it is for them to see you in that superficial way anymore!

When people are seeing each other on social media platforms, Facebook, Instagram… they see someone on a real superficial level. And very often, men will objectify women by seeing them in that superficial two dimensional (2D) way.

After all, it is easier for men to reject someone in 2D, easier for men to just be sexual, send crude messages to someone in 2D, easier to send a dick picture to someone they see in 2D… When you think carefully about that: Why do men send dick pictures? What is going on their mind? Let me tell you, men send dick pictures to people in 2D. They are not sending them to someone who they think of as someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone who had a difficult childhood, someone who loves painting, someone who loves writing. When someone reveals more and more and more about themselves in a way that you can no longer see them in two dimensions, they become three dimensional. And that’s when they start seeing us as more than one thing.

And that doesn’t just apply to someone seeing you only sexually, it also applies to someone seeing you just as a business person. It also applies to someone seeing you as just a teacher, just a friend, just a whatever… If you want to be more than just a, you have to start painting yourself in 3D and stop putting yourself forward in 2D.

And by the way, why do people put themselves forward in 2D? Because even though they don’t like to admit it, most of the time the dimension we complain about being seen in exclusively is the one we use as our power.

Sex appeal can be used as power. High social economical status can be used as power. Affluence can be used as power too.  

So a lot of time, women complaining that men only see them sexually, and then their Instagram feed is filled with bikini pictures showing cleavage… You got what I mean here. I have got nothing against someone putting bikini pictures. If it makes you feel good, if that’s what you like doing, great. But then don’t complain if people consistently see you in a sexual light first and foremost. Because it is all you ever talk about. So that is the only dimension you are being seen in.

It tends to be whatever we secretly are most comfortable with ourselves, or feel most able to use as a source of validation. It becomes the thing we put forward, however, now what we don’t like is when we are being seen as just that.

SO, if we don’t want to be seen as just that we have to start painting ourselves as three dimensional and that means bringing things into the frame that we are out of practice at bringing into the frame, or are uncomfortable to bring into the frame, maybe because we don’t feel as accomplished in that area or because it feels more vulnerable.

But unless we’re prepared to bring all of our humanity into the frame, people are going to find it much easier to dehumanize us.

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Eryn W.
Wife and mother. Flirting between words and personal experience, she offers inspiration for women to stay positive and work hard.